Everything is the way it should be

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As you look back on your life, you will often realize that many of the times you thought you were being rejected from something good, you were in fact being redirected to something better. You can’t control everything. Sometimes you just need to relax and have faith that things will work out. Let go a little and just let life happen. Because sometimes the truths you can’t change, end up changing you and helping you grow. Everything is as it should be. It’s crazy how you always end up where you’re meant to be – how even the most tragic and stressful situations eventually teach you important lessons that you never dreamed you were going to learn. Remember, often times when things are falling apart, they are actually falling into place. Not until you are lost in this world can you begin to find your true self. Realizing you are lost is the first step to living the life you want. The second step is leaving the life you don’t want. Making a big life change is pretty scary. But you know what’s even scarier? Regret. Vision without action is a daydream, and action without vision is a nightmare. Your heart is free, have the courage to follow it. It’s usually the deepest pain which empowers you to grow to your full potential. It’s the scary, stressful choices that end up beingthe most worthwhile. Without pain, there would be no change. But remember, pain, just like everything in life, is meant to be learned from and then released. One of the hardest decisions you will ever face in life is choosing whether to walk away or take another step forward. If you catch yourself in a cycle of trying to change someone, or defending yourself against someone who is trying to change you, walk away. But if you are pursuing a dream, take another step. And don’t forget that sometimes this step will involve modifying your dream, or planning a new one – it’s OK to change your mind or have more than one dream. You have to take care of yourself first. Before befriending others, you have to be your own friend. Before correcting others, you have to correct yourself. Before making others happy, you have to make yourself happy. It’s not called selfishness, it’s called personal development. Once you balance yourself, only then can you balance the world around you. One of the greatest freedoms is truly not caring what everyone else thinks of you. As long as you are worried about what others think of you, you are owned by them. Only when you require no approval from outside yourself, can you own yourself. You may need to be single for awhile before you realize that, although the co-owned belongings from your failed relationships might not have been divided equally, the issues that destroyed the relationships likely were. For how can you stand confidently alone, or see the same issues arising in your newest relationship, and not realize which broken pieces belong to you? Owning your issues, and dealing with them, will make you far happier in the long run, than owning anything else in this world. The only thing you can absolutely control is how you react to things out of your control. The more you can adapt to the situations in life, the more powerful your highs will be, and the more quickly you’ll be able to bounce back from the lows in your life. Put most simply: being at peace means being in a state of complete acceptance of all that is, right here, right now. Some people will lie to you. Remember, an honest enemy is better than a friend who lies. Pay less attention to what people say, and more attention to what they do. Their actions will show you the truth, which will help you measure the true quality of your relationship in the long-term. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never have enough. If you are thankful for what you do have, you will end up having even more. Happiness resides not in possessions, and not in gold; happiness dwells in the soul. Abundance is not about how much you have, it’s how you feel about what you have. When you take things for granted, your happiness gets taken away. Yes, you have failed in the past. But don’t judge yourself by your past, you don’t live there anymore. Just because you’re not where you want to be today doesn’t mean you won’t be there someday. You can turn it all around in the blink of an eye by making a simple choice to stand back up – to try again, to love again, to live again, and to dream again. Everything is going to be alright; maybe not today, but eventually. There will be times when it seems like everything that could possibly go wrong is going wrong. And you might feel like you will be stuck in this rut forever, but you won’t. Sure the sun stops shining sometimes, and you may get a huge thunderstorm or two, but eventually the sun will come out to shine. Sometimes it’s just a matter of us staying as positive as possible in order to make it to see the sunshine break through the clouds again.

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I’ve achieved a lot through this book. Let me spread the word.

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Freedom of choice

Firstly, Happy Independence Day once again! I was told when I was little that India got her freedom today. From then, I grew up believing Independence and Freedom are the same. But apparently not! By the time I understood how distinctly different they are, I’d spent a life time confusing the two. Let me explain:-

Just because we have freedom doesn’t mean we’re independent.

Just because we’re independent doesn’t mean we have freedom.

It is possible to experience freedom without being independent. It is also possible to not depend on anybody and yet not feel free. Confusing? Now take a look at their definitions:-

  • Independence is the ability to be and do, without barriers / obstruction / constraint from others
  • Freedom is the ability to be and do, without barriers / obstruction / constraint from oneself

Got the drift? Now, you realize how most of us confuse the two words, thanks to our forefathers who told us on August 15th we got our freedom and that’s why it is called the Independence Day. India may be independent but is she really free? Do we really have a freedom of choice?

Every so often we stop ourselves from doing something even when we are independent because we’re scared of how it will be received by people who matter to us. Now, that is lack of freedom. The reason so many of us want structures, dependence on people etc is because we’re scared of freedom. With freedom comes great responsibility and a whole lot of self doubts. What if we make wrong choices? What if we fall?

The degree to which I am ready to take responsibility for my choice is the degree to which I am free. Happy Independence day once again! Enjoy your freedom…

Man of your dreams…

Every woman, I spoke to, said she has five needs – Conversational, Financial, Physical, Mental and Emotional. As life goes on, she begins to fulfill all those needs through parents, friends, college, job, colleagues, books, movies, holidays etc. as she waits for her MAN to appear in her world. Eventually he makes a grand entry, either through her parents’ efforts or her own choice. All is hunky dory. There is romance, there is fun, there is novelty in everything they do together. And then life takes over. A few years down the line, mostly the girl is disappointed with him and disillusioned with life. What went wrong? He is the same guy, isn’t he? I asked a few new and old wives the reason for their disappointment. One said,”Oh, he never talks to me.” Another said, “He doesn’t buy me gifts.” Yet another said, “When I want to be hugged, he doesn’t even realize it.” A long married one said,”I feel no connection. There is no stimulation. He’s so boring.” Girls will be girls, huh?

According to me, the problem lies in the fact that you’re expecting one man to fulfil all our needs. Now, wait a minute. Let’s deal with them one by one. 1. “He doesn’t talk to you.”  So? Can’t you have amazing conversations with your friends and family? 2. Why do you want a man to buy you gifts if you can buy them for yourself? In fact, go buy one for him too. He’ll be thrilled. 3. When you want to be hugged and he doesn’t realise it, go hold him tight. I’m sure he will melt. And if he is not the touchy feely kind, go hug your pet who will be more than thrilled with your attention. It’s your need, not his! So you need to do something about it. 4. You feel no connection. There is no stimulation, did you say? Obviously, familiarity is known to kill fun. Find out where you have lost it! You can recreate the bond once again. Stimulation can come from books, movies, music, whatever interests you. He’s a man, not Sudoku, for God’s sake.

How, on earth, can one man or one woman fulfil all needs? The only component that is sacrosanct and cannot be shared with anybody else is physical intimacy and sex. Everything else is found everywhere else. Think about it!

PS: If you’re married to or involved with physically or emotionally abusive men, addicts or womanisers, please don’t bother with this advice, just dump them…